Juanita: It's all redecorated inside....Me and Wally sunk over 300 bucks into it, and that's not counting what we spent on Lysol.

Chet: Look around you, Roman, for God's sake. This is beautiful country here. Take a good look.
Roman: I'll tell you what I see when I look out there -- if you want to know....I see the underdeveloped resources of Northern Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan. I see a syndicated development consortium exploiting over a billion and a half dollars in forest products. I see a paper mill and, if the strategic metals are there, a mining operation. A green belt between the condos on the lake and a waste management facility, focusing on the newest rage in toxic waste, medical refuse: infected bandages, body parts, IV tubing, contaminated glassware, entrails, syringes, fluid, blood, low-grade radioactive waste. All safely contained, sunk into the lake and sealed for centuries. Now, I ask you, what do you see?
Chet: I -- I just see, uh, trees.

Ben: (Just before spying his twin cousins, Cara and Mara:) Do you sense the presence of an alien life form?

Roman: (On cell phone, waiting on hold:) Honey, why is it that Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus, and mine look at me like a rack of tools at Sears. I mean, why can't they connect with me?
Kate: Hell, you know, honey, maybe if you spent a little less time at work and a little more time with us, things would be different.
Roman: (As he's connected:) Put a cork in it, honey. Talking business.

Chet: His [Roman's] kids are spooky. I'm waiting for their heads to rotate around and vomit pea soup.

Ben: Dad, isn't it illegal to drive with a bear on your hood?

Chet: (To bartender:) You'll have to excuse my brother-in-law. He gets a couple of cocktails in him, he's an expert on everything.
Roman: I don't need any cocktails for -- Was that a shot?
Chet: That was the truth.
Roman: That was a shot.
Chet: That was a shot.
Roman: (To bartender:) Speaking of shots, set 'em up.

Kate: Sometimes I think the only action I'll ever get is leaning against the washer during the spin cycle.
Candy: Does that really work?
Kate: Have you ever seen whiter whites?

Chet: You got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve.
Roman: It served me well. I'm the one with the Mercedes.
Chet: By the way, is it paid for?

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