Mitch: Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi: Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?

Frank: A little housewarming gift.
Mitch: I actually gave this to you for your wedding.
Frank: This model?
Mitch: That exact one.

Beanie: You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?

Mitch: Denver? The sunshine state? Gorgeous!

Beanie: Girls love a guy who's in your situation.
Mitch: What situation?
Beanie: Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.

Frank: Yea, I'm cool either way. I just have to run it by Marissa.
[Mitch and Beanie give him a weird look]
Frank: I'm messing with you guys.
Beanie: Not funny. Not funny. And now the baby is upset.

Beanie: I know a really good sand guy.

Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

Frank: [after funneling a beer] Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

Frank: We're going streaking!

Marissa: [after seeing Frank running naked along the streets, she slows down her car]
Frank, what are you doing?
Frank: [out of breath] We're…We're going streaking!
Marissa: Who is?
Frank: The…We…There's more coming.
Marissa: Get in the car.
Frank: But…
Marissa: Frank! Now!
Frank: [still out of breath] Ok.

Mitch: Who's this guy?
Beanie: Oh, that's Blue. An old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry. He's legit.
Mitch: He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Beanie: You kidding me? Old Man River can't shut up about it.

Frank [into phone]: I'll be in the neighborhood later on and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some frozen yogurt or perhaps a whole meal of food, if that would be agreeable. Damnit. [calls back]
Frank: This is Frank Ricard…

Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

Mitch: So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard: Try again.
Beanie: Jevohah Witness?
Dean Pritchard: I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.

Beanie: I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frank?

Spanish: Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.
Frat Brother: You already work at Red Lobster.
Spanish: Yea, but its part time…

Frank: Blue, how come there's no ice in my lemonade? [throws the lemonade into the pool]
Blue: Sorry, sir.
Frank: Drop down and give me ten. Now!
Blue: [bends down into a push-up position] Yes, sir.

Frank: You know I was thinking we could go back home... have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD... no? Weren't thinking that? Ok.

Beanie: Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.

Frank: Spanish! Do you trust that we have provided you with enough rope so that your cinder block will fall safely to the ground?
Spanish: Y-Yes sir.
Frank: Blue, do you trust that I do not want to see you die here tonight?
Blue: Yes, sir.
Frank: Blue, you're my boy!
Blue: Thank you, sir.

Marissa: Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank: My birthday? What do you mean?
Marissa: Yeah, last Thursday. Oh, you forgot your birthday, didn't you, Frank?
Frank: Damn it. I'm such an idiot.

Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Beanie: Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.