"I want to go to law school so I can learn how to turn gold into lead."
Lennie Briscoe

"In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."
Narrator

"If you're going to lie, be creative or we'll get bored."
Ed Green

"Are you kidding? Shelly Cates could convince a jury that Jeffrey Dahmer had an eating disorder."
Jack McCoy

"The last time I checked, "Stupid" isn't a defense for murder!"
Jack McCoy

"I believe in monsters and things that go bump in the night, Jack. May they rot in hell, along with their attorneys."
Jamie Ross

"You know, McCoy, you wanna put the bad guys behind bars you have to get your hands dirty."
"The problem is, detective, sometimes it doesn't stop at the hands."
Detective Rivera and Jack McCoy

"Love - a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage."
Lennie Briscoe

"I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently here at Riker's that mean that they watch you commit suicide. "
Lennie Briscoe

"You got around double jeopardy. You climbed Everest in your shorts. On a cold day. "
Adam Schiff

"You've heard of the Seven Rings of Saturn? These are the Two Rings of Riker's."
Lennie Briscoe

"A motive pulled straight from the tabloids. And what about means and opportunity? Are you getting that from comic books?"
Adam Schiff

"Never get Freudian on a man holding a pickle."
Jack McCoy

"Although justice must be tempered with mercy, it must still maintain a sense of retribution."
Ben Stone

"Even though you are a taxpayer, you know, we don't actually work for you personally."
Lennie Briscoe

"You know, if I didn't already know you don't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids."
Lennie Briscoe

"Clarence Darrow had Leopold and Leob, and who do we have?"
"Beavis and Butthead."
Adam Schiff and Jack McCoy

"Julian Prusse is accused of a crime but that doesn't make him Hannibal Lecter."
Danielle Melnick