Parker: “It’s like Billy from the ‘Family Circus.’ If Billy was a drunken sex fiend.”

Hardison: “Don’t get mad, but I may have spilled Slushie in your car.”
Elliot: “That’s like forty-four ounces, Hardison.”
Hardison: “It’s not that much.”
Elliot: “The lid is floating in the damn floor board, man.”

Hardison: “That is not how you exchange insurance information.”

Elliot: “Where are you going? We gotta search the car.”
Hardison: “I’m gonna go and freshen up a little bit. Maybe cry a little.”

Hardison: “I am with him. See, he thinks the flirting makes me jealous, but it doesn’t. See, if he was like Brad Pitt, Denzel or somebody, oh girl, it would be on seriously.”

Nate: “Listen, I don’t think I need to apologize for drinking. I need to apologize maybe for not drinking. Maybe I’m a bigger bastard sober than I am drunk.”
Marcie: “If this is you sober, hell yeah.”

Elliot: “Did you ever notice how all bad guys know at least one stripper?”
Hardison: “You know at least a hundred so what does that make you?”
Elliot: “I’m a bad guy.”

Nate: “Listen, the guy, he’s an addict. My father was an addict. My grandfather was an addict. I know how these people operate.”
Sophie: “I’m just gonna let you think about that for a minute.”

Hardison: “Woah, woah. I haven’t slept in three days. I had a showdown with two different gangs, who, now by the way, know my face. I sat on a bomb. And all this could’ve been avoided had you gave the man a taco.”